A Message To My Kids

Charlottesville, Virginia

April 15, 2020

Coach Dad here. It is easy for us to get caught up in our minds ruminating on our “problems” and "worries" and that voice in our heads. If we do that, we can’t be fully present for our loved ones. When we find ourselves stuck in our own minds, we need to say "stop - I'm in charge here, and I am not going to ruminate anymore."

Our lives are not about us - they are about others, especially the ones we love. Love is a verb much more than it is a feeling. And it is an active verb, not a passive verb. Right up there with with "soar" and "bound." We can never compliment our loved ones too much — and that’s easy. Listen -- and then listen some more; be compassionate, but turn off the problem solver. Do nice things every day - even if they are never noticed (those are the best kinds of nice things). Wash the dishes, literally and figuratively. Encourage your partner to share their thoughts and feelings - and listen some more! And share laughter and humor. Show your partner how special they are each day - preferably multiple times a day! These are easy things to do early in a relationship when everything is new. The true test is when you when you slogging through the day-today. And that's when it is most important to get out of your head, remember how special your partner is and show them.

And remember, no one is a good mind reader; mind reading is never a good thing. Only action can prevent mind reading!

P.S. While the quote above talks about "statements," I suggest that "actions" count, too. And lack of action counts as a negative.