Lucian@going2paris.net
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If we want a life full of deep meaning, true love, and emotional strength, it’s going to involve the risk (and often the reality) of discomfort, conflict, and loss.
I was 5 years old when Woodstock took place. The only thing I remember about it was a hippie on television saying, “If it feels good, do it.” Given the limits of my feel-good experiences at the time, I imagined not the sexual revolution and drug culture but hippies eating lots of candy and staying up past their bedtime watching television.
I think that a similarly radical life philosophy is brewing in our culture, and it started well before the COVID-19 pandemic turned the world inside out with fear of sickness and economic pain. It might be summarized as “If it feels bad, make it stop.” From schools to workplaces, we are told that ordinary negative emotions and experiences—fear of failure, or sadness over a breakup, maybe—should be treated or eliminated. Feeling bad is bad.
This is an error, as was the Woodstock motto. I don’t believe that either radical hedonism or eradicating bad feelings is the path to a good life, or for that matter, very sensible. To be clear, I am not talking about medical issues such as clinical depression, anxiety, or trauma. I am talking about the sadness and misfortunes that are inherent to a normal life, and even the “negative affect” that some people have in relative abundance. (Including me, by the way: No one studies happiness unless they find it elusive.)
People are experiencing more than just everyday bad feelings right now. Many have lost jobs and loved ones and are feeling the devastation of this once-in-a-lifetime tragedy. Even for those of us who haven’t, however, the pandemic is a particularly rough patch in our lives. But we have an opportunity here to assess the benefits of negative emotions and experiences—and how we can use them for personal improvement instead of trying to push them away.
Even if we are lucky enough to avoid catastrophic loss, the current pandemic is a psychological stress test for most of us. Many people reading this are experiencing anxiety about the future, disappointment about missed opportunities, and other negative feelings. And there are fewer distractions from these feelings, meaning that some are sitting with negative emotions in a way to which they are unaccustomed. To help us turn these moments into an opportunity for growth, we can learn from and emulate those who are experienced in managing discomfort: athletes, monks, and the elderly.
1. BE AN ATHLETE.
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