Charlottesville, Virginia
January 28, 2020
The idea of “walking your why” is such a critical element to our personal success and happiness. I first heard the phrase working with First Tee. Our leader, Nicole, talked with the kids about the importance of making decisions consistent with the their core values. It was a “ah ha” moment for me- so simple but I realized too often I made decisions without taking into account my core values.
Obviously the first step in this process is to identify your core values. That takes some soul searching but is such an enlightening experience.
The following is a blog post about “walking your why” by Susan David, the author of the book of Emotional Agility.
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Do you ever feel like you’re drifting through life like a leaf on the wind? Most of us have felt this way at one point or another. Every day, the world presses us to make decisions that aren’t our own. Perhaps we see our friends splurging on pricey ski vacations and feel compelled to keep up. Maybe we watch our colleagues put their personal lives on the back-burner to stay at work well past dinnertime, and we conclude that this is just what successful people do. Without much consideration on our part, society’s gusts and breezes can take us far from where we ever intended to land.
All too often, such listlessness is clear only in retrospect. We look back to see that we’ve spent the last five, fifteen, even fifty years chasing dreams that never belonged to us. It doesn’t have to be this way. Instead, you can choose to walk your why.
Walking your why is the process of moving toward your values. I know that talk of “values” can seem abstract, or even strike a judgmental tone. It’s not my goal to impose a particular set of values on you. Rather, I’m asking you to consider what it is that you value. Career success? Creativity? Close relationships? Honesty? Altruism? Adventure?
These things matter to different people in different degrees. No value is universal, but one thing they all share is that they are something you can use. Values aren’t theoretical; they help to orient you toward the life you want to live, and to put one foot ahead of the other as you move toward that life.
I encourage you to take a few moments to identify the values that mean the most to you. Here are a few questions to get you started:
Deep down, what matters to you?
What relationships do you want to build?
What do you want your life to be about?
How do you feel most of the time?
What kinds of situations make you feel most vital?
If a miracle occurred and all the anxiety and stress in your life were suddenly gone, what would your life look like, and what new things would you pursue?
There are no right or wrong answers here. In fact, the point is to quit asking yourself what anyone (me included!) thinks is proper, and to focus on what you feel deep in the core of your being.
Once you’ve identified your values, it becomes easier to live them. You can start to look for choice points, those forks in the road that give you an opportunity to walk your why. If you’ve realized that you value personal intimacy, perhaps tonight you’ll ask your partner to have dinner at the kitchen table instead of in front of the TV so that you can really focus on one another. If you value a healthy lifestyle, then maybe you’ll bring yogurt for lunch tomorrow rather than slipping out to that burger joint down the block.
Whatever it is that matters to you, the key takeaway is that values are not just intellectual commitments separate from our day-to-day lives. They are meant to be enacted, woven into the fabric of our actions and our habits.