Conflict

Madras, Oregon

October 3, 2024

I received this “case” a few months ago as a freebie with an order from Quotable Cards. It has bothered me ever since. I carry it with me as a reminder of the conflict it causes me.

At first, I read the saying as one of hope, as a sort of recharging. Keep on plugging away, no matter your age you can become what you want to be.

But now I read it as a bit of false encouragement and focus more on the words “what you might have been.” I try hard — in fact, I think very hard — to not dwell on my past. I know that’s not where I am going. But I blew some major opportunities I had. And you don’t get a second chance on those.

Debbie Downer, eh?

My wanderabout is about becoming who I am, not who I was supposed to be. I had a lot of potential I don’t think I ever realized, but I was caught up in a way of thinking and believing that I no longer embrace. The remnants will always be with me, but the fact that I’m sitting in Madras, Oregon today says I’m not who I once was in some/many ways.