Fear of Failure -- Fear of Loneliness

Charlottesville

November 6, 2025

I have condensed some thoughts from a recent article I read:

Failure and loneliness are rooted in the same ground—isolation.

For leadership, as in life, evolutionary psychology offers an explanation. Going back millennia, the fear of failure meant much more than making a mistake. It was also about rejection.

That’s where the fear of loneliness comes in—and far more than the existential angst of being alone. Getting shut out of the circle was tantamount to being ousted from Maslow’s Hierarchy. And that was a threat to human survival.

Failure and loneliness—they’re embedded in our DNA.

You are not alone. The minute I tell that to leaders—they feel so relieved.

As these four words are acknowledged, our mindset shifts. And that’s where the path to understanding begins. We’re able to dispel our seemingly conflicted, but all-too-connected fears.

Understand the fear. It starts with a question: What are we afraid of? Once we name the fear, we can begin to uncover how it drives our behaviors. Then, instead of merely reacting, we’re acting with intention. And after all, it could be that failure as we know it is only failing to fail.

Reframe the fear. Failure may be in the top 10, but it doesn’t have to isolate us from others. What matters most are not our fears or even the moments of failure—what counts is what we do afterwards.

Give ourselves some grace. No one is infallible. Grace moves us forward—elevating not only ourselves, but others.

Amid our fears, insecurities, and vulnerabilities, we all have one thing in common: We want to be part of something bigger than ourselves. And that’s the leader’s job—to ensure a deep sense of belonging reverberates throughout the organization.

Indeed, what are we afraid of?