Fire Up My Amygdala

LaPine, Oregon

October 6, 2024

I call it “gas backup.” It’s a discomfort in my upper left chest. The best word I can come up with is pressure. Or a phrase — like I’m having a cardiac arrest. I can deal with this pressure. My mind can’t deal with the memory. It’s exhausting as I battle myself.

It’s just gas.

What if it’s not?

This happens every now and then.

But what if it is a cardiac arrest?

Ok, I should try to belch.

Sure — try to belch on command. Good luck with that!

This has been going on for an hour. Maybe it’s more than gas.

Haha. I win.

Finally I belch and I realize all that stress was unnecessary. But the damage is done. I’m exhausted. My mind is shot, my legs are weak.

I’m driving US 97 south. What an incredible area. Bend, the three Sisters. My. Backelor, Newberry lava field, Deschutes National Forest. Everyone here looks healthy and outdoorsy. Sprinter vans everywhere along with SUVs and Subarus. Bike racks. Kayak racks. Cloudless blue sky. Why go to Heaven when you can come here?