Susan David: Social Comparison

I ain’t trying to show the best of my wanderabout. I’m trying hard to be real — no sugar coating. I think the word is vulnerable — I’m putting it out there.

From Susan David:

We’ve all been there. During a much-needed work break, you open Instagram on your phone. Smiling back at you is a childhood friend, looking happy as a clam on vacation in the Greek islands. You press the “like” button even as your gut sinks.

Or maybe you’re unemployed, wondering how you’ll pay next month’s mortgage, when LinkedIn tells you that an ex-colleague—one that you found none too capable—has just landed their dream job.

Or perhaps you were clicking through Twitter when you stumbled across the old guitarist from your high school garage band. Turns out their rock and roll fantasy came true, and they’ve accumulated 100,000 devoted followers and a record contract to boot.

Social media presents itself as a tool for human connection, but for many of us, it’s an engine of self-doubt.

The lives that flash across our phone and computer screen frequently look so much more enticing than the one we live every day. Consciously, we know that these images are curated. People disproportionately post about the high points of their lives—the promotions and milestones and trips abroad—and tend to leave out the mundane aspects of their daily grind. Nevertheless, it’s hard not to feel jealous as your feed endlessly refreshes with other people’s happy pictures and thrilling news.

The research is clear: Too much social media is bad for your mental health.

Frequent users experience myriad of problems,including increased feelings of sadness, isolation, and envy, and a decrease in overall well-being. On top of it all, these platforms are addictive, meaning that the issues they cause quickly become self-perpetuating.

Facebook, Instagram, and the rest encourage social comparison on a scale that humanity has never experienced, and psychologists have long agreed that social comparison is toxic.

Whether we’re feeling inferior to a high-achieving friend or superior to one who is struggling, the drive to compare damages our relationships and skews our values. The message we get from social media is one of competition and scarcity. The world starts to look like a zero-sum game. Someone else’s win becomes your loss and vice versa.

Does this mean we must all delete our accounts? Not necessarily, though limiting your daily dose of new media networking probably wouldn’t hurt. As with so much in life, the key is to know what you value.

Before you log on today, consider precisely what it is you enjoy on social media.

Maybe it’s exchanging messages with a friend who lives far away, watching the highlights from a favorite sports team, or seeing pictures of a fast-growing niece or nephew. ​ When you take your internet break, head directly for the accounts and features that make you happy. Treat your attention as the precious commodity it is, and resist the urge to linger and scroll.

Though it comes with risks, social media doesn’t have to be a bummer. With a little thoughtfulness, it can start to live up to its billing, bringing people together rather than pushing them to compete.